Dear ole' dad.

Where do I start?
I've sat down and tried to write this letter to you for over a week now. I have so much to say to you.. yet on the other hand.. another word to you, spoken for the rest of my life.. would be too much said. I want to be angry. I want to rant and bitch and blame you for everything. For pulling me out of high-school, for taking Connor away from me, for not allowing me to ever feel comfortable in my own home. I want to blame every unhappiness on you. But I can't. I've spent too long thinking it over, and have finally come to terms with the fact that the things you did were merely consequences for my actions. No matter how extreme, or overreacted they were.. you were just doing your job. I didn't let Connor go when you asked me to. You took me out of school. On one hand, I could have listened. On the other hand, when you have one parents saying its ok for 6 weeks, only to have the othet say no.. its confusing for a fifteen year old girl. I wish you would have understood that. I wish you would have compromised. But in the end, who was right and who wad wrong doesn't matter. What matters is that you're the dad, you're always right. At least, that's what parents like to tell themselves. You had so, so many rules. And rules are normal, and expected.. but you can't impose a bunch of rules and then never communicate with me.. my first counselor said it simply. Rules, without relationship.. equals rebellion. And that's exactly what happened. You gave me an abundance of rules. We had zero relationship. I rebelled. I ran at the first "get out of my house" and have been running ever since. Sex, drinking, pregnancy. All the things you never wanted, but didn't now how to keep me from without placing me in a bubble to live out the rest of my life. The only thing I can think of when I look back at the past year.. I just wonder what we could have done differently. I moved out a year ago, and we haven't spoken. I texted you on fathers day. And a few other times. Texting is emotionless, right on your level. And you still never responded. We've both screwed up a lot. And I don't want a relationship now, its too late for that. I just want to be the bigger person and apologize. I'm sorry for rebelling, despite whatever circumstances. You were the parent, and I was the child, and I didn't play that role. Why I'm posting this, I'm not really sure. I can walk away knowing that you'll never see this. And even if you did take a second to find out whats going on in my life, you'll never have anything to say.