Day 22.

How i've changed in the past two years. The thought of even attempting to answer this question terrifies me. I know I've changed. I've changed alot, and not for the better. The majority of the chagne occured because of Connor. My first love, first heartbreak, first everything. Before him, I was sweet. I followed the rules, I respected my parents, etc. I'm not going to go into the whole story for the millionth time, but I was told we had to break up, and I just plainly said no. Dating was a huge no no for my family, but I decided that my heart and my life was my business and they couldn't do anything to stop it. I started lying. I started sneaking around. I started disrespecting my parents in plain view. I completely changed from the girl I once was. Then I was caught and pulled outo of high school. I became angry. Very, very angry. Depressed, suicial. Not even close to the old, happy Sophia, that loved people. I hated everyone. I hated my family. I hated myself. I dealt with this for a couple of months and then was finally allowed to go back to school. I was dealing with alot of rumors, drama, stupid girls, etc. So I changed again. I wanted to be accepted. I started drinking. Started smoking. Started doing whatever I had to do to get attention from guys so that I had anyone to talk to at school. This worked for a while, but was self destructive. The guys got tired of the games, the girls hated me for having all the attention.. I gave up. I dropped out again. Changed. This time for the better, a bit. Became for sceduled, responsible. Was working constantly. But the boring responsible day by day got to me. This didn't last long. Then I met Grace. With Grace came a best friend, a sister. But it also came with more alcohol, more boys, and less of my Jesus. I don't blame her for this, but I definitely fell a little farther than I had planned. I've fallen farther and farther these past couple months. I've been selfish and irresponsible and pretty awful. Nothing like the girl I was two years ago. I would love to get her back, but who knows if somewhere deep down, she even exists anymore. I may as well have suffocated her.